If it is true that reality must exist somewhere along the spectrum of two binary opposites, is it not, by existing as a point somewhere along that axis, acting as a sort of reflection of both extremes simultaneously? A point along a line is indicative of the line’s full expression, of the fact that a line reaches through it in two directions, touching an infinity of other points along the way.
I’ve been thinking a lot about personal power lately, feminism, and how we each cultivate a unique love language as we move through the world. For every “good” action we do, the opposite of the “good” action we take (or a “bad” action) is created as the “dark matter” to the energy put in motion once the action is taken. Even as we think we are acting as altruistic human beings, nurturing all others in our path and choosing light and love with every step we take, our shadow grows longer and longer behind us. And in choosing what’s “good,” it can be argued that making that choice stems from a place of deep-seated vanity, of wanting to be perceived as and feel like a “good” human being.
“Good” and “bad” are two words which represent ridiculous concepts. Obviously, certain events can be more favorable than others to the individual’s perception of reality at any given time, but zooming out to the larger picture, aren’t events simply an occurrence, an expression of reality which sets new energy in motion? Who has the authority to claim whether they are good or bad in the moment of their fruition without being able to see the future or read every potential consequence?
So ultimately, it comes down to consequences which iterate like ripples from an action, causing us to tip the scale one way or another and call an event “good” or “bad.” But how long would it take to really tally every single consequence of something? I cite the “butterfly effect” as an example. We would be immobilized with counting, afraid of taking another step for fear of setting off another chain of consequences which we would then need to keep track of in order to give things a label. The fact we’ve even established certain things as “good” or “bad” at all is somewhat astonishing, when you think of things this way. Our collective perception of reality really is an outrageous trip. That might be the understatement of 2020.
If every “good” action we take creates a “bad” sub-reality, how can anything ever fall in one camp or the other? I suppose the truth is, it can’t. The only truth is that expressions of reality are both “good” and “bad,” and therefore we must embody both in order to be authentic, integrated human beings as we move through the world.
So what does this have to do with love, and what does this have to do with feminism?
If we cultivate a unique “love blueprint” as we move through the world, growing into a certain paradigm of giving and receiving love, are we not creating a “dark matter” equivalent of fear (assuming fear and love are opposites) which tends toward the opposite direction of reality? Is it possible to hold this knowledge as we pursue love and connection and find it not only ok, but desirable to know that we are deepening the shadow with every step into the light, molding reality into new directions with every action?
One could spend a lifetime pondering the nature of love. I have spent many years of my life wondering how best to do it and only seem to encounter more questions than answers as I continue to pursue it, perhaps an indication that I have in fact fallen in love with Love. If it is the core essence of what it means to be human, why is it so damned confusing and painful? If you express your love wildly and flamboyantly, it hurts. If you give your love in quiet, prudent spoonfuls, it hurts. If you do nothing to outwardly express your love at all, it hurts terribly. So Love can even wound us in inaction.
Yet (and I’m confident I’m not breaking new ground here) it is the only force that makes life worth living, that brings joy and connection and unity. So we put ourselves on the line again, wondering what ripples will follow with each Love Action, whether we will feel connection or fear, pleasure or pain, “good” or “bad”…hoping, naively, but also beautifully, to reach a new reality of communion.
So, what does this mean for feminism? Coming from a girl who has a very hard time surrendering to “masculine” energies, I am learning every day how best to love. How every “righteous” feminist action I take carries with it a dark underbelly of misperception, antagonism, and disconnect. One must stand for what they believe in, but where are the true costs measured, and where are the true gains? By accepting what is, can I actually be changing what is? Is it possible to fight reality and actually change it? Or is that a seductive facade, an endless energy drain, an ego-based journey away from “real” love?
I have no answers, which means I must keep chipping away at these concepts. But I am prepared to humbly present my findings as a dedicated student of love, and a lover of and believer in humans.