Fun in the Void

You are as divine as you believe yourself to be. 

Everything you do is evil to somebody.

Perhaps you never grew up. Perhaps you never took the time to see the wonder of all things, the beauty inherent in everyone. Or perhaps you saw too clearly…Did you bury your darkness or did you wear it in your eyes?

What good do you have to give, anyway? What is the weight of a word?

Colors are good. This seems to make real sense to me. The colors of the fall leaves is a sign of goodness.

Earth is good. Earth is as good as it is violent. What is inside of a smile? Tenderness? Violence? Tendril-soft gooey honey love, pure and evident as sunlight, or a mystery to unpack, one dark layer at a time?

They say sugar is more addictive than cocaine. Will a mother always depend on her child? Will a father do the same? Who leads who? And where? What good can come over mulling over what “reality” means?

I don’t seem to mind the cold, when winter comes. It’s the grey that gets to me. The lack of colors. I need color to remember how beautiful everything is. And winter is coming…

Superficial obsession is my greatest vice…not having deeper curiosity about the inner machinations of what interests me—simply delighting in the fact that something actually stimulates me—is what terrifies me the most about my own brain.

Can curiosity be taught? Is my spiritual task now patient observation…surrender to the ocean I have been churning violently around in…let myself drown? 

I don’t know why I’ve walked through so much of my life with my head bowed down. How to find my way back home…when I haven’t been looking but languidly, stubbornly, angrily, lazily…

The truth is, I’ve got a gosh darn sweet tooth. I’d skip a dang meal for a slice of cherry pie and a cup of coffee any day…

I know I’m rabbit-holing hard about reality, mystery, and connection—am I just dragging my feet on engaging with life? Where does doubt come from? Doubt—that insatiable monster…

How to have fun in the face of the void…Fun…the pursuit of freedom…

Who are you? Who, who, who, who?

Published by Hannah

Just yer average girl next door.

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