live music and growing

I am currently reveling in some live music put on at a local venue. I used to turn my nose up at live local shows—now I see them as the heartbeat of the town in which I live.

So many of the performers tonight have been touched and influenced by my current music professor at my college. I wish there were some way to pay back the energy she has put into us, but I’m just not sure how to express my gratitude. Apparently she jokes she has started a cult. I don’t think that’s far from the mark, frankly…

I’ve been thinking about dichotomies lately. Namely tenderness/violence and virtue/vice.

I don’t know how to control the feelings I have inside me. I am struggling not to feel behind the curve, but there is so much inside me…so much I’m not giving flight to…how to grab it with confidence and ownership…how to fully believe in myself…

I got crazy angry today, which I’m not sure has ever happened…like, ever. I strode around the house crashing into things and screaming profanities until I finally surrendered to the warm embrace of my candlelit bathtub.

Loving yourself takes time, growth takes time, faith is the necessary ingredient…

Published by Hannah

Just yer average girl next door.

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